Tomorrow
by mayakasti
Summary: She did not dare to tell him, it is okay , because it is not and it will never be. Sad and warning for charachter death.
1. Tomorrow

_**Tomorrow with the crack of dawn, as the first rays of sun touches the white snow on the street back home, I will part. I will leave all because I know you are waiting for me. Waiting for me to put you in my arms and lay you down for your final rest.  
**_  
Booth was lying on his thin mattress trying not to think of how ironic this life is. He went to Afghanistan to give his partner time to reevaluate their friendship, their partnership, their relationship. His son Parker talked him into doing the right thing, and he wanted to prove to his son that it is never enough what you do to your country, because you can always do more. Little did he know that he would never have a chance to prove anything anymore because the person, the only person that he wanted to be a role model to, is not there anymore.

Parker tragically was hit by car speeding on the black ice on the street. The driver was a doctor in a hurry going to a hospital trying to save a mother and a baby from being delivered pre-maturely.

The news came to booth one day after the New Year . And he had to wait the 24 hours for the first plane out of Afghanistan to go back home and attend his son's funeral

Booth's head and body felt numb , damn it his heart was empty , As if his heart was staked and turned into dust.

The sound of the wind blowing, and the freezing cold night hit booth square in the face as soon as he set foot outside the airport, his duffel bag held on his shoulder and his palm rested in his pocket holding the side of his son's photo. He hailed for a cab and sat down quietly, the sound of the cabbie startled him,

"I said welcome home, where to son? "  
" huh ... Yeah, not sure ...home !

After reciting the address to the cab driver , booth laid his head back and closed his eyes, thinking this is not how it was supposed to be , Rebecca and Parker were to meet him at the airport, and take him to the reflecting pool to meet Bones. This is how it should have been. Not alone in the middle of the night with no one to welcome him, to hug and kiss him, no one to be proud of him, or reprimand him for being a hero. Alone.

The cab came to a halt and Booth was soon out of the car after the driver refused to take the fare, he has seen so many soldiers coming back home but none their faces looked like they are coming to a war zone instead of being saved from one.

Walking down the hallway straight to his room, he dropped his body on the icy bed and fell into restless sleep.

A faint drumming on his door woke him up , and if not for the insisting knock he would have ignored it completely , he did not feel like talking to anyone , he knew it would be Cam , maybe Sweets , knowing that he will be arriving soon and wanted to be with him, but he did not want either sympathy from Cam nor psychobabble from Sweets. He sighed , and turned the knob closing his eyed as soon as the light from the lift hit him, there she was , the one person he did not think he would see. Stood in front of him her eyes wide, that blue rimmed with blood color and he could feel her trembling. He waved her in, but before he could say anything she was there, everywhere, holding him , cradling him, over him as his knees gave and he fell to the floor holding her with him sobbing his heart out . All you could here in the room his wailing and her barely whispers in his ear.  
She did not dare to tell him, it is okay , because it is not and it will never be, she kept repeating over and over to him the only soothing words she could come up with

"I know Booth, I know baby, I know"

_**I am walking on eggshells here, I have read so many great stories here and English being not my first language , I am not sure how I am doing . this story is inspired by a poem I have read when I was 8 years old and it is maybe the only poem I can recite over and over any time. It is by Victor Hugo. **_

_**I would appreciate your feedback. Thanks.  
**_


	2. The Wall

"All of you from whom God took your darling hope,  
Fathers, mothers, whose soul has suffered my suffering,  
All that I felt, did you feel it?" _(V. Hugo translated)_

24 _hours earlier._

The news of Parker's death reached Brennan like spear right through her heart. Not only she loved the little man, but she was scared that this will be the end of Booth. She knew Booth's world was revolving around his son. She was afraid this will break her partner and this break will never heal. Out of selfishness she thought she should stay away, but before she could result to this decision, she found herself making flight arrangement to be back in DC the next day. She did not know, how or why or if she could help for that matter. Like Booth would say, she simply put her brain in neutral, and for once followed her heart.

Could she live the moment when Booth would be standing by his son's coffin, could she stand the idea of placing yet another child in that lonely wooden box? Would she touch the surface of the mahogany holding the precious little one or would she hold the delicate hands and touch the lifeless cold skin that was once warm and comforting? Will friends and family be there or will she be by herself again.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

_Present._

He was on his knees, his nails grazing the wall in front him, marking it, remembering the day when he told Parker not to play with his red toy car near the wall for fear that it would leave marks. He kept scraping his nails till blood smeared the perfect white barrier, the pain in his hands was not easing his guilt, for taking away the red toy car from his son that day, the guilt of denying his son Oh! Few minutes of happiness, he took away that smile, and was it worth for a damn wall. He started hitting it now, hoping it will crack and maybe move away.

Brennan kept holding his shoulders her body enveloping him, trying to ease his pain; however she remained silent except for the few words she told him earlier. She eased herself between his body and the wall; she had to keep him from hurting himself further, because it felt that the more Booth was hitting the cold surface, the more the wall was winning.

His fingers closed around her shoulders and she could not but crumble to the tiles down and whimper, Booth was in his own world, he did not see nor feel her, he was attacking his own guilt now; only his blame was impersonated by Brennan, Booth saw her Perfect pale skin as his wall, so he resumed his assault on her now. His nails scratching her flawless skin, his teeth scoring her collar bone, the only sound coming from both of them is a loud groan from the back of his throat and a quiet cry passing through her lips, until he tasted the blood on his tongue he stopped and collapsed on her chest. She held her arms around his head and they both fell asleep tired and cold.

The rough feel of Booth's stubble stinging Brennan brought her back from sleep, as the first rays of the sun were coming through the window in the living room; she cradled Booth's head and moved him slowly before she could get up. She knew Booth will have a lot to deal with today, and she needed to be back, she needed her science mode, she will be Booth's brain today, organizing the full agonizing activities. First getting some heat into this apartment, she turned the heater on. Made some coffee, and placed some towels on the hot rod for later when Booth will have to shower, before getting ready to go and meet Rebecca in order to discuss the arrangements of their Son's Funeral. Then it hit her, Rebecca and Booth should be meeting to discuss which college should go to, his graduation, or the girl he got engaged to, or the wedding of their son, or even custody arrangements but never their son's death and his last resting place. "Oh! Booth" she said as she placed her palm on his forehead, he opened his eyes and held her gaze trying to figure out where he was, and if all this was just one of those heart crushing dreams. He stood up looking at her shocked, her eyes, the way she was looking at him confirmed it, and he stepped away shaking his head. She took a step forward holding her hand up to him, only to be pushed away by him, he shook his head denying everything her presence verified.

"No! Bones! No!, you are not here, I am not here, No" He shook his head fiercely

She was afraid now, not of him, but she was afraid she would not be able to convince him that it is true and that she is here to hold his hand on his last journey he takes with his son.

"Booth…" she spoke softly, he closed his eyes, willing her to go away and for himself to be back training soldiers in Afghanistan when he opened them. But she stood her ground and he was back where all of this pain started, in his apartment by the hateful wall.

_**Thanks for everyone for reviewing the story, you sure have encouraged me. Although the first chapter could stand alone by itself, I thought I will share the rest of the pain with you. **_


	3. The letter

He stood there, watching her, until she stepped and took his hand in hers and lead him to the bathroom. A clinical approach to all this would be the best solution she thought to herself. Although she did not put weight on psychology, she knew booth is unconsciously following the Kübler-Ross model or in layman term the five stages of grief and right now Booth is in denial. The shower door was open and all of Booth's toiletries were laid out for him, along with his tooth brush and the fluffy warm towel. She dragged him inside and began to take off the rough fatigues off of his shoulders; as soon as he was out of them she nudged him towards the warm spray of water. She held his shampoo bottle and placed it the palm of his hand and closed his strong long fingers around it. She had to get him to shower and clean himself up even if she was standing getting all wet from the shower although she had tried to stay out of the way as much as she could. Booth automatically and without thinking got into the pace and his actions lacked any thought. It felt like a robot, mechanically designed to move around in such patterns, his hands and arms moved on their own accord and he finished his shower, brushed his teeth and got out of the bathroom with his towel around his waist, only to be met again by Brennan, who held his hand again and guided him towards his bedroom and his bed where a change of clothes was laid out for him. She knew the last thing on his mind today was what to wear for his son's funeral or the preparation for the funeral. She did not know the details, whether Rebecca had taken care of everything or whether she was waiting for Booth to decide.

While Booth was getting dressed, Brennan went around and picked up her own bag, she had come straight from the airport to Booth's place, and was grateful she had something as presentable as possible to wear. It was nothing fancy, classy or formal, just a pair of black jeans and a black dress shirt. She thought this would be good for now. Not that Booth or anyone would mind the way she looked. She was there for one reason and one only, to be Booth's support, His metaphoric light in the coming very dark days.

Half an hour and two cups of coffee and some make up to cover up the few scratches that were above her neckline, most of the hurt was done to her back, her shoulders and arms, but few marks and red itches were on her neck from Booth's teeth, stubble and nails.

Rebecca was one step ahead of Booth; being there with Parker while it happened; did not leave her much to deny. She has skipped that stage and was consumed with anger. Anger at the Doctor who hit her son, anger at Booth for being in Afghanistan, Anger at Parker for getting ready early that day, Anger at the weather and the ice , and Anger at God for taking her baby from her. The second she opened the door and found Brennan, all that anger piled inside her and was aimed at the one person in front of her, Dr Temperance Brennan.

"It is your fault, if only you were not so heartless, Booth would never have left, and Parker would be spending New Year's Eve and day with Seeley. It is your entire fault"

All that Brennan heard, was the words repeating themselves, it is all your fault, it was her fault then and it is her fault now, but it is not time nor the place to dwell into this and feel, she simply launched herself at Rebecca and held the grieving mother and repeated the same soothing words she had said to Booth. "I Know Rebecca, I know"

Booth stood there shocked at the interaction between the two women, and did not say anything until Rebecca's sobs and cries subsided; he came closer to both of them and put his hand on Rebecca's shoulder. She did not resist, she moved from Brennan's grasp and held Booth by his lapels and pushed him out the door.

"Here Booth, here, he was standing here in the snow, waiting for Drew" She told him pointing out at the patch of snow outside the house where the accident had happened. Drew had heard from Parker about this amazing breakfast, Booth and his son usually indulge in during the holidays. And he wanted to surprise the boy and make him feel better, after all the loneliness the boy had felt since his dad agreed to be shipped to Afghanistan. Although Parker had encouraged his dad to save the lives of the less fortunate, he was only a kid and wanted him around. So he waited for Drew to come home with breakfast. The weather was freezing cold and the sun had just been peeking from behind the clouds.

Brennan watched as Rebecca told Booth the whole horrifying story, she explained in detail the faint sound of the tires whooshing and slipping on ice, the car hitting the mail box and the small boy's smile as he looked at the broken open mail box that laid beside him holding a single letter addressed to him from his dad. She explained how Parker barely reached for the letter inside before nodding to his mom and closing his eyes.

Brennan, came closer, she reached for the crashed mail box and tucked the letter that was peeking out in her back pocket. She knew Booth would like to hold on to it, this was the thing his son laid eyes on before saying goodbye.

Yes material things did not have any meaning and hold no significance, but she had to do it, for the person who once made her truly believe.


	4. My boy

Brennan drove Booth to the hospital to see his son. After hearing about the horror of the accident, nothing was left to do but to go and be with Parker before they make the final arrangements for his burial. Rebecca opted to stay back, she could not accompany the two of them, she had stayed with her son for 12 hours after he had died urging him to come back to life, to open his eyes one more time, to smile. She even told him that she would sign the papers for him to stay with his dad forever. She was ready to give up custody after fighting Booth all these years, nothing seemed worth it, if her son never wakes up again. And he did not, not because what she offered was not tempting enough, but because the he had moved on and could not hear her, feel her or respond anymore. Parker was declared dead on the scene, there were no complications, no surgery, and no major decisions to be made. No internal bleeding to be stopped and no resuscitation to be performed; like everything else in Parker's short life decisions were made abruptly. He was born 10 years ago with no complications. Rebecca was at the hospital for her final check up when her water broke and was moved to the delivery ward. An hour later Parker was born and 24 hours later Booth met his one day old Son. It felt like the history is repeating itself with all the tears and sobs, except this time instead of happiness, grief is there, instead of the warm little blue blanket in the little warm crib, Parker will be held in a very cold place.

Booth was yet to say a word; he has not spoken to anyone for the past 24 hours. He was watching everything around him, happening to him. It is a good thing that Brennan was in control. She has shut down her emotions completely for the sake of the man striding next to her. She pushed the elevator button to the 3rd floor underground. This is where they keep the dead. Because no one wants to know about them, it is like the culture teaches us, if we hide the grim truth then we don't have to acknowledge it. Have you ever been to a bank's vault, where all the safety deposit boxes are, a full room with tiny drawers that mean nothing to bank's employee except it held the precious entities of their owners. This place was identical, Brennan thought, similar to her bone storage at the lab, where each drawer told a sad story. A tiny drawer was opened in the last raw, and Brennan had to hold back from caving in and falling over Booth as soon as crouched down. He seems to be going down on his knees all the time these days, and it had nothing to do with proposals, praying or even begging. His muscles are so weak that he barely can hold himself up, and everything he is going through these days is breaking him some more. And there the silence was broken for the first time, and his eyes moved for the first time from his son to Brennan "this is my boy…. My boy" and it is like these simple words explained everything to her, He described all, with the simple words he had spoken, the past; the happy memories he had shared with Parker, the painful present where his son laid in the cold, and the miserable empty future, the pain, the agony and the cold horrifying nights and days that laid ahead.

Booth held both of his palms around his son's face and brought his lips to his forehead, a thing that he so long did to his son, every night when he had to sleep over. He would come to him after he had gone to sleep and he would wipe his curls from his forehead and give him a butterfly kiss. Only this time Parker is not expecting it, and does not hold his palms on top of his dad's hands and tells him I will miss you too dad. It is only Booth's words this time, "Sleep my son, I will miss you".

Everyone attended Parker's funeral, The FBI, all of the Jeffersonian team, Parker's class, his teachers, even the doctors at the hospital, they had known about Parker because one of their own had caused this. They were supposed to be healers, not killers, first rule Do no harm, in the physicians' book of rules and they have caused a lot of harm. Regardless of the reason, or for it being an accident, the damage is done and cannot be reversed. The mother of the pre-mature baby, the doctor was trying to get to save had heard of the accident, when the doctor failed to come on time, although the baby was born and she is doing well now, her happiness was tainted with the blood of another soul. She had asked around and found out what had happened. She named her daughter Josephine after Parker's middle name.

Rebecca was holding Booth's hand during the ceremony, Brennan was sitting by his side, and every now and then she would squeeze his arm as if to give him a boost of energy to keep him in this world. She was afraid he would drift away to a dark place she had visited once and had trouble leaving for a long time. Everyone wanted to speak and say their last goodbyes. Parker was a well loved boy, isn't it always like that; the loved ones always die young.

Angela and Hodgins flew back from Paris to be with their friend, to give support, Parker's teacher cut her holiday in Aspen to be at the funeral, to give support not only to the family of the deceased but to her class. The only person that was not there was Drew. It was not guilt that kept him away; it was Rebecca, who told him not to be there because she could not forgive him yet. He understood, and he respected her wishes, but he loved Parker like a son, so he had sent his last goodbyes in a form of a poem to be read at the funeral.

Jared and a very Pregnant Padme, were sitting in the front row seats listening to the priest closing up the service; when Brennan waved at Jared to tell him it is time for his speech.

Everyone said their goodbyes and it was a surprise for Booth when Brennan stood and went to the podium to speak. She could not dare to move her gaze from Booth, she did not know if she was doing the right thing or not, she was never good at these things, but she had to follow her hear this once and believe that she is doing the right thing and saying the right word. Her main fear was offending Booth during his son's service, but she gathered her courage and closed her eyes for a second before opening them and the words she had prepared came out like a healing balm to both grieving parents. She explained how in many cultures and religions children leave this earth and live as angel birds in heaven, and although she mentioned that she was not one to believe in the after live, she truly believed that is only place Parker would be and she cannot accept any other fact. Booth looked at her amazed by what he heard and very thankful. She concluded her speech by saying:

"Parker's last wish was to read his father's letter" She looked at Booth trying to have his permission, he simply nodded.

"It was the last thing that Parker laid eyes on, and I wish to share it with you Parker, I know you are listening"

(Brennan skipped the first part of the letter, because it contained a lot of personal information that she knew Booth would not appreciate sharing with anyone and went straight to the last few sentences. She believed Booth can read that letter to Parker.

"Dear Son,

It is this time of the year, where everything should be as white as snow, but it is sad that everything around me is dusty and sprinkled with dirt. Don't mention to Dr Hodgins Bugman ever that I said the word dirt. But soon, I will be back to be with you and I promise then, that I will never leave. I will also promise you that when we are back together I will never let go. So be brave for me and your mom and know that I will not ask you to be good, because as always you are the best thing in my life.

Love for eternity

Your Dad."

_**I know this story is not for everyone, it is grim and sad, but I did warn you about it. I hope you stay with me on this journey and let me know what you think. I do appreciate your feedback. Thanking you a lot .**_


	5. Out chasing dragons

Brennan once asked Booth if we ever recover from the death of loved ones, and he had explained that we never recover but we survive, and it is not a fault in the design, it is simply we are sent only what we can handle. That we let the marks that people left on us fade naturally when they leave, but we never recover. Except there was fault in the design, we are not designed to lose a child. We are not designed to bury our offspring, we are not meant to say goodbye to them, and they are not destined to be put in a hole in the ground before our eyes. How do you even recover from something like that? How do these marks fade? They are scored in our souls and you don't get past that ever.

Three months have passed, where booth stayed in his apartment, locked in except when Jarred or Brennan passed by and kept some food at the kitchen counter for him, or when the bug man and sweets came to his place to share a drink or two. He still refused to talk to anyone, not much putting up a fight against his friends, he simply gave up on everyone, and he would not listen anymore. He locked himself in his own dark world, a place Brennan was too afraid of.

Booth did not drown his sorrow with drink, nor gambling, did he give up on anything even easing up his pain? He did not want to forget the hurt, he wanted to feel it every day every minute and with every breath he took. He knew getting drunk would only serve one purpose; few hours of numbness and he was on a mission, don't ease the pain and maybe just maybe die of a broken heart.

Rebecca did not try to get in contact with Booth, after the funeral they said their goodbyes and closed that chapter of their life forever, those ties that bind, are broken now and forever. But Rebecca did not expect Booth would not be at his Son's grave. She was there every Sunday laying flowers next to headstone that read

Parker J Booth

Son

March 30 2001 – 01 Jan 2011

There was no need to add any qualifier to the word Son, he was loved and everyone knew. Rebecca was getting frustrated with Booth, she expected him to be talking to his son at least every Sunday, but he was never there, she had met Brennan several times, but Brennan always left the grieving mother alone with her son as soon as she approached. No words were spoken, what is there to speak about. Brennan would sit there tell Parker how much his dad loved him, making up excuses every time, She was afraid if Booth was correct about life after death that Parker would be disappointed that his dad was not talking to him. She was frightened that Parker would feel like he had failed everyone one of them specially his dad, that he was not brave enough or strong enough to hold on. So she came every time, with daffodils telling parker that they were her favorite flowers and she wished to share them with him, that she knew that he was a boy and boys at that age did not have favorite flowers but rather toys. She brought books and read to him, rather read to the wind blowing around her, but still she waved away the sense of ridiculousness and continued her weekly visits. She wanted Parker to be prepared for when his dad comes and sees him. She was hoping it is going to be soon. It was Parker's Birthday in week, and knowing Booth – did she really know him now – would not miss it.

Didn't they teach us at school that spring starts on 21 March, where winter and the cold fade and sun rays start to find their way back through our windows down to our darkened apartments and souls warming up our cold pillows in the morning, tickling our eyelids until they open welcoming a new day? But this is not how Booth welcomed spring, he refused to let the sun shine, he refused to let himself get warmed up. He closed all the curtains before he went to sleep at night every night, making it a habit for fear he may forget one day and the sun will intrude and find a way back to his life. The first warmth he felt on his skin was not from the blocked rays of the sun outside his window, but rather his once called partner's hand touching his fingers.

"Booth, Wake up"

"…..mmm"

"Booth, you have to wake up, come on Booth" Brennan softly whispered.

He opened his eyes slowly, and closed them back when he saw her moving around the bed trying to get to the curtains on his window.

The last he had spoken to her was at the morgue, when he told her that this was his boy; those were last words he uttered to anyone for that matter. Sometimes she would miss his voice; she would call his phone until his answering machine would pick up.

"You have reached the humble kingdom of Booth, King Booth and Prince Parker are unable to answer you call right now…. We are out chasing dragons …." And you would hear the giggles of a little boy and then her own voice calling that this is ridiculous.

She remembers the day they chastised her for having a lame message on her answering machine and decided to show her how it should be done. They were laughing so hard at the end of the recording and they promised her they will fix her message next time they came to her house. But they never got around doing it. Too many crimes too little good times make you forget.

Back in Booth's bedroom, now lit with the warm sun of March, Brennan was determined to get Booth out of his apartment and to his son. It was parker's Birthday and she knew Booth will have regrets if he did not spend time with him today. In a year's time or ten year's time he would always blame himself.

" Booth, I am not leaving you today, you can ignore all you want, but I am not leaving you today" she told him using her most convincing voice.

He opened his eyes looked at her only to cover his eyes again with his arm. He sank back in his pillow and took a deep breath. It was not one of those cleansing breath you take, it was more –I have hundred stones on my chest – breath.

But he spoke, softly but with no less determination than her

" My boy will always be ten years old bones"

As if that sentence explained all, how he would never see his son grow, how he would never see him going out on his first date, how he would never help him mend his first broken heart, how he would never cry at his graduation, and how he would never embarrass him during his wedding with a goofy speech, he would never hold his grandsons and granddaughters in his arms and he would never kiss him and tell him that he is proud of him and how he would never tell him that it is ok to let go of your old man because it is time to go now. He had planned a life with Parker, and none of that will be happening now, for his boy will always be ten years old.

_**A/N I would like to really thank you all for sticking by me and encouraging me, thanks for lovely reviews, I did not mean to make you cry, but would it make you feel better if I tell, I cried just as much!**_

_**I have the flu currently, and I just want to crawl into bed and sleep, but I thought I will try to get some more writing done. I will try to keep the update regular. Still appreciating your reviews, keep them coming and don't be afraid to point out anything you do not like in the story or even the things you like ;) wink. **_


	6. scared

_**A/N: I have to apologize to all of you, I am still very sick with the flu and I am on medication, and usually I have the same reactions to drugs as Booth, I am a bit loopy, so excuse the mistakes you see in today's chapter. Also note that this is a short one, but only because next chapter is a really long one and I thought it is a good place to leave our two favorite couple in. **_

_**So I promise I will update soon. Keep the reviews coming.**_

Brennen left Booth for a few minutes until she started coffee and a light breakfast, just couple of bagels filled with cream cheese for him and an all wheat bagel for her. She needed the time to built a new strategy, she had spoken to Jarred and Cam the previous day and they have to come to a conclusion that only Brennan would be able to get him out of his home today, and even if the plan failed she would at least get him to get out of bed. The FBI had been very generous and understanding, they pulled strings for him to be dismissed from his military role, and re-assigned to his previous job. They expected Booth to grieve, sulk, and stay away for a while but he was pushing it now, and soon the FBI will have to demand that he resume his work or resign and leave for good. The team at the Jeffersonian, along with sweets had been preventing the news from reaching Booth, they knew he would quit with blink of an eye. He would not look back. But this is not what she came for today. Today was all about Parker's Birthday.

It was still early in the day, not yet 7 am, so Brennan had close to 12 hours before the sunset, and she had a plan, a well laid out plan, at least this is what she made herself believe. She would not get Booth demeanor discourage her now. This has gone for too long, and yes she understood his pain, she felt it deep in her heart, but there is only one way from here, and the way is out.

She remembered those days when she was in a dark place, and stayed longer than she wished to be, yes she did not have the privilege of having a home and closed up room and friends outside paying for her food and bills, and a job waiting for her after she had decided to move on, she was in a dark cold place all by herself, hoping every night that she dies in her sleep so she does not have to wake up in the morning and have to face the world. And yes for a while later she opened a window and looked out at the world, but it was only after Booth had come to her life that she had convinced herself to close up the window and use the door. He was with her taking her first steps and for that she would always be grateful. At least now she gets to be his link to the world.

A muffled thud in the bedroom brought her out of her reverie, she walked fast calling Booth's name, only to see him standing next to the now closed window with his blanket all over him, if it were another time, she would have been amused by the scene, but this seeing Booth denying himself even the rays of the sun only brought tears to her already red rimmed eyes. She took two quick steps; she wanted to reach him before he could get back into his bed. And back to his sleep where he could ignore her and pretend that she was not there.

"Booth.." She stood in front of him, between him and the mattress, she put her hands on the blanket held around him, and wrapped herself in his arms. He was stiff as a log; he did not push her nor made any attempt to hold her. He just stood still, his eyes closed and his breath steady.

She tried again, came closer, "Booth, you said you will let me hug you when you are scared. I am scared now Booth, I am scared …" yes that was low, but she needed to connect with him, that was the only way. Booth took a deep breath, took a step back and opened the blanket wide, only to bring it and wrap the blanket around her and brought her close to him. She was in a cocoon of his smell. She kept her mouth close to his ear, telling him over and over how scared she was and how much she needed him.

Booth lost his purpose in this life, and admitting to him that she needed him would give him purpose to fight for life then so be it, she was willing. She knew she was not tricking Booth, rationally she is an independent woman and needed no one, but she wanted Booth, in her life, if this is what her heart is saying then she owes it to Booth to listen yet again to her heart.

"Booth, listen to me! I am here, and I need you, I will not ask you to talk to me if you don't want me to, you don't have to, just listen, ok Booth?" She waited for a few second before she felt Booth nodding slightly, her heart fluttered, she got through to him, ok, not opened a door, not even a window, but at least a nod was a good sign.


	7. The Tree

_**Sorry everyone for the off day that I took, I am still recovering from my flu, but the good news is, I have 5 days off from work next week and I am sure I can update more then. **_

_**I have to warn everyone that this chapter contains certain religious references and beliefs; I hope it does not offend anyone. **_

It was almost dusk; the sun was setting as the car finally pulled by the graveyard. Booth was silent throughout the day, he heard Brennan talking to him, at his house, in the lift, even during their ride to their destination, but nothing registered. What was he doing here? He thought to himself. What would this visit accomplish? Yes, he was the one who spoke over and over to Brennan about the importance to connect, and talk to the dead, in order to get answers. He was the one who pushed her to reconnect with her mother and she had found the evidence that day with him, in the form of a dolphin figurine. But this was different, he will be there and the only evidence his visit will provide, is that his son will not be back again. What was the meaning of life without his little man, walking beside him, Booth still believed that he has so much to give to this world, but he also believed that after Parker, there was no one to give to? It is like you have this great feast in front of you, and no one is hungry for, everything goes to waste.

Brennan stepped out of the car first, and went around to open the door for Booth, only to be surprised seeing him standing two steps ahead of her, his eyes gazing at something down the small hill. She turned her head to find what caught Booth's attention. There stood few of their friends, familiar faces; they looked like they were ready to leave, as Brennan and Booth approached them. There was this silence that wrapped everyone; Booth's solemn mood was transmittable to everyone around him. They turned and some patted his shoulder others squeezed his arm and a few simply nodded. No one dared to utter a word, and if it were up to them, they would have given up breathing for they thought even the sound of their breath would disturb Booth, knowing that the lungs of his little boy were no longer filled with air and he no longer took a breath.

"Mr Booth…" someone hesitantly said.

Booth thought he imagined the voice, only to be confirmed again, by a tug on his Jeans. "Uhu.. Mr Booth..."

A little girl was standing at his feet, she was barely Nine or ten years old, dark complexion with striking green eyes, the biggest eyes Booth had ever seen, she was holding something in her hand, the few rays of the sun left shone on that piece held in those tiny fingers and reflected straight into Booth's eyes. He closed his eyes involuntarily and took a deep breath before his brown eyes met the offending object again.

A Larger than life tree, someone had told Booth while he was in Iraq, that there was a larger than life tree up in heaven. Each one of us has his name on one of the leaves. Forty days before you die, the leaf tumbles and comes down to earth, and the person, whose name is written, is told, not in words, but his soul is informed and prepared to leave. Why did he remember that now, does that mean that Parker knew he was leaving, was he scared, or did he not understand. The whole notion wrung his heart.

The girl was still there, and Booth for the first time, something pushed him to crouch down and come to her eye level. Although he did not speak, the girl understood. She held his palm and deposited the Saint Anthony Medal in his palm. She looked around, her mother was waiting for her, and she nodded

"Parker lend it to me, he said to return it after Christmas"

Booth nodded, and closed his fingers around the well known medal. He had given it to his son right after his birth, and had told him to keep it safe, because it will help him find his way whenever he is lost.

A single tear stroked Booth's cheek as he stood. He walked down the hill to his Son's final resting place, holding the medal firmly in the palm of his hand, he caressed the headstone with his hand letting the medal touch the smooth surface of the marble.

The wind blew carrying with him the words of a grieving man and a proud father "My Boy"

Brennan dropped Booth to his apartment; he walked inside the dark hallway only to hold the door back, looking at Brennan, pleading that she would understand. She nodded and stepped back. He took her palm and looked before removing his fingers, his voice was like a whisper, she almost imagined it "tomorrow Bones, tomorrow..." before he closed the door and went straight to the small bed. He covered himself with the Blue blanket; his son's smell lulled him to sleep.

_**A/N : For all of you who asked for Booth to talk more, I promise you he will very soon, his dam will break. **_


	8. Antiseptic

"Dad , Dad.. wake up, Why are sleeping in my room dad"

When no answer came from the fast asleep man, the little boy turned disappointed and went to play in the other room. The buzzing sound of the game the little boy chose to play was slowly pulling booth out his sleep. He not only heard the sound but felt vibrating next to his hip, he pushed the annoying object of the bed only to send it flying across the room as his angry words left his mouth before he could stop them "Parker ! Don't leave your toys scattered everywhere". As soon as the words were out, he was jolted from his sleep, to find his phone in pieces on the hardwood floor and his son nowhere around. Was this a dream, or was his reality a nightmare, he was not sure which one is worse, him screaming at his dead son, or in his wakefulness his son does not exist anymore. Whatever piece of his heart was left after Parker's death was turned into shards now. He looked around the darkened room, the only light coming from the blue laser digits on the wall, from the virtual alarm clock Angela had created for Parker as a gift for his 9th Birthday. The time read 2:36, what was he going to do now. He was alert, could not go back to sleep, and the sound of his young boy's in his ear was as much as it soothing to him, it was driving him crazy. He needed to do something.

The hard knock on the door terrified Brennan, however did not stop her from moving towards and opening it. "Booth… What are you doing here, are you alright?" She moved aside to let him in.

She locked the door after him, and went to join him on the couch. As soon as she sat, she noticed he was moving things from one hand to another, parts of what looked like what used to be Booth's cell phone.

She raised an eyebrow in confusion; he simply sat toying with the items in his hands. She pulled her legs on the couch, placed her arm behind booth's back and eased herself to stretch behind him, she patted the place in front of her, and when she saw the hesitation in his eyes, she simply nodded.

He lay in front of her, his back is glued to her chest; she moved her arm to wrap around him and came on top of his heart holding his hand in the process. "I am here Booth, rest now; we will talk tomorrow, close your eyes now"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to a restless slumber.

"Bones" he called to her few minutes later.

She stroked his hand in acknowledgment.

"Bones, I broke it" his voice cracked.

"Shh Shh Booth, we'll get you another phone, it's ok"

"No Bones, it is Parker's DS"

She did not want to argue with him, he was so tired, hell she was very tired, so she simply nodded and placed her head on his shoulder, and whispered into his ear "Rest Booth, it is okay, tomorrow it will all be fine"

Who was he to argue that nothing is fine, that tomorrow nor the day after nor in ten years things would be fine, he was spent and he wanted to hold on to her words to ease the pain inside him, so he only said the first thing that came to his mind and she reassured "I promise Booth, I promise"

Sleep was not going to come to her, guilt took its place, she was metaphorically punching herself for lying to Booth, She promised him that things will sort themselves tomorrow, she was not one to give false promises, but she did what was right at the time, since when did she become so irrational… She had to come up with a plan now, for tomorrow and the day after and everyday from then on, how will she make sure to keep her promise to the only man who was worthy of peace. Booth needed help and that he came to her, she was not going to let him go until she finds a way to mend his broken heart and soul. Not that she believed in souls, but Booth did, and if he did, then this was what is important.

Getting out of the couch from behind Booth sleeping form turned out to be trickier than expected. Her right arm was numb from being under her for a long period of time, and she could not use it as leverage, and her left was held by Booth. So she gave up, and rested her head back between his shoulders listening to his breathing. She noticed as his soft snores were changing now and he began to stir. She moved her head to the nape of his neck and allowed herself to pull him out of his by whispering yet again to him.

As soon as he was awake, Booth moved to sit down, and she took the opportunity to stand up on the couch and gracefully jumping of the back of the couch. She needed to gather herself and get things in order in her apartment, but more importantly in her head.

Booth did not move a muscle until Brennan help a steaming cup of coffee in front of him twenty minutes later. He took the coffee and the bitter liquid drained the taste of sleep from his mouth. He consumed his coffee and placed the now smudged white mug on the table in front of him. Brennan gasped at the scene of dried blood

"Booth, show me your hand"

"huh… why?"

The broken bits of his phone held tight in the palm of his hand had cut his palm in his sleep. She went straight to her bathroom to get an antiseptic to clean the cut. Booth winced at the pain, but did not flinch or shy away. As soon as she covered the graze she held his palm and kissed it looking straight into his brown eyes.

"It is better now" she stated, she was not sure if she was saying that about the cut, or the situation as a whole. If only Booth's hurt could be healed with simple antiseptic and a bandage.

_**A/N : I know I promised you Booth is going to talk, but my Booth is still badly hurt and need some more time, please be patient with him and don't push him. He may talk faster if you send your encouragement in the form of reviews **___


	9. Denial and comfort

As soon as Booth locked the door to the bathroom, Brennan slipped into the guest room and used her phone there to call in sick. She did not want Booth to hear, nor did she require Cam to know the details of Booth's visit. The need to keep this under the radar, not that this expression meant anything to her, was overwhelming at the moment. Soon after she managed to prepare the breakfast, Booth emerged from the bathroom, albeit still disheveled, but at least he washed his face and brushed his teeth with the extra brush Brennan had left for him at the sink. He walked silently and sat at the small table in the kitchen.

Brennan, had prepared a full length monologue in her brain, and waited for an opportunity to recite it to Booth, but as soon as she saw him holding the fork and taking a mouthful of scrambled eggs, she decided against all the talk, and made up her mind to approach this differently. She would come around to discussing with Booth his need to seek professional help, but now, he deserves some semblance of normalcy, if pretending with him that today is no different than any other day, then so be it. She urged him to finish his breakfast and when he questioned her motives with a simple raise of his eyebrow, she disregarded him and went about cleaning the dishes.

Although he had just woken up, as soon as he sat on the couch after breakfast and closed his eyes, he drifted to sleep. Brennan took the opportunity and slipped out of the apartment. She needed to make some calls with no fear of Booth overhearing, and also to run some errands. By the time she got to Booth's apartment and packed at least 2 weeks' worth of change of clothes and toiletries, and got in contact with her agent cashing in a favor, it was close to noon. She kept the suitcase in her car and went up to her apartment, hoping that Booth was still asleep and not awake wondering why she had left him and gone.

As soon she passed the hallway to the empty living room, she panicked, he was nowhere. She left him alone and now he is probably back at his apartment or worse, and with no phone she would not be able to contact him. What was she doing, Booth required professional help, not her pathetic failing attempts. Her confidence was restored as soon as she heard rustling of sheets in her bedroom. She ran to the door to find Booth waking up and trying to get out of her bed.

"Booth.."

He blushed, he did not expect her to find him in her bed, and he did not plan to be discovered there, nor did he arrange for a different set up, his body was working on its own accord, he simply needed a comfortable place to lie down and her bed looked inviting enough.

She shook her head, as if telling him that it was ok.

"Did you have a good nap?"

"Why are you here?" Booth asked

When he noticed her confusion he explained "I mean why you aren't at work?"

"I am not at work because you and I are going somewhere"

She expected him to ask where was she taking him, or at least to fight her over the idea, but he simply nodded and got up. Her almost there smile was crashed as soon as the next words left his mouth

"No Bones, I am going back home"

He did not wait for her answer; he simply held his keys and walked to the door, only to find her plastered to the door in front him, blocking his exit.

"No Booth, wait… Please" she begged him.

She closed the distance between them and tried to hug him, but he flinched and stepped away.

"I need to go home, I need to be home" he pleaded.

She did not understand he kept repeating that he had to go home; he was trying to make her comprehend the gravity of the situation, but she didn't budge. His voice was rising now, from his pleading mantra to a frustrated cry to an angry roar now

"Bones get out of my way, I have to go home. It is my weekend with Parker"

Air was sucked out of her lungs when she heard Booth, it was easy for him now to simply move her aside and get out of the apartment as soon as he can. She leaned against the wall and crumbled to the floor holding her knees and sobbing, Booth was lost now.

It took all her willpower not to go after Booth that day, she is not prepared for this, she cannot help with this. Yes she held three doctorates; yes she understood quantum physics, but this was way above her head; but when Booth called her at night crying into the phone that Parker was dead and there would be no more weekends for him, she was at his door in ten minutes, breaking all the traffic laws ever made.

She held him again, but this time not against the wall, but on the floor of his bathroom, he was retching all the medicine he has taken, in an attempt to numb himself. Booth did not try to kill himself, she knew, because he had chosen Parker's cough syrup and none of the stronger pills that could have killed him. So she did not call it in, she did not take him to the hospital, he did not need strangers poking and prodding at the moment. He needed his privacy, a warm hand on his back and whispers of affection. They spent the night tangled limbs on the bathroom after both dropped from exhaustion. The last thought before Brennan closed her eyes were to call someone in the morning, but for now, it is just the both of them finding comfort in each other.

_**Booth will have to seek professional help, but since I am very much like Brennan, don't put much stock in psychology, I have asked my friend Layal who is a psychologist to help me with the next few chapters. I would like very much to keep it in character; however I am not sure if it is going to be Gordon or Sweets or someone totally new. Your review and votes might help as a deciding factor. **_


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